Getting Over a Breakup:
One Obstacle to Healing a Broken Heart

If you love him so much, let him go, but don't do it in an effort to impress him with your maturity so he comes back to you.

Letting go is the essence of getting over a breakup, but you might have a few false starts in the process...

For example, you make a big show of letting him go, but deep down you're hoping he will be so impressed by your demonstration of emotional maturity that he’ll turn right around, choosing you — declaring you the one deserving of his love because of your selflessness.

It never works. Unrequited Love, if you've gotten to the point where you've termed your situation as such, rarely turns itself around.

Often, it's only after it doesn't have the desired effect that you realize your 'letting go' was a totally calculated move based on nothing resembling maturity. Regardless, you still feel like the world is unjust. Feeling small and wronged in a big world rarely helps you get over a breakup.

You might recall the story where the two women are fighting over the baby, each saying its hers. I think it happened in Florida or something? This guy Solomon - Ming Solomon or something - suggests cutting the baby in half, so each supposed mother can have half. One mother says “I’ll take the head,” the other says, “no, don’t hurt the baby, she can have it, just don’t hurt the baby.” Clint Solomon then determines the true mother of the baby is the one who doesn’t think it should die a gruesome death, and this “true mother” gets the baby.

That’s how it feels when you tell someone you're OK with his leaving or not loving you or that you're willing to be friends. You feel like that True Mother (well, Lover), who is acting selflessly, wanting him to be happy, but then there's no Solomon stepping in to point out how this means you deserve to be with him!

You're thinking, “I loved you enough to let you go, so why aren't you f-ing staying!? I’m obviously the greatest! Just shut up and get in my bed and compliment me for loving you enough to let you go!” (You're striking a sexy pose, but also probably stamping a foot like a toddler.)

It feels like the ultimate rejection; you’re totally the star of the parable and you DESERVE for him to WANT YOUR ASS, but instead, he hugs you and says “we’ll be friends for life.”

What a laugh. Friendship is no consolation prize and it doesn't help in getting over a breakup. I hate these a-holes who try to be the shoulder you cry on when you're upset about the owner of that shoulder not loving you. You can't get over a breakup when you're two inches from the breaker upper's neck.

Ugh, friendship is garbage.

The worst part of all this anger is that it undermines your self-respect. You probably had yourself fooled that you were this mature girl, not only getting over a breakup, but acting like a freaking buddha. You're telling everyone you're upset because you love this someone so TRULY and PURELY, and yet, the second doesn't love you back, you immediately wish all kinds of psycho-sexual torture upon him.

Even if Tim Solomon were there to arbitrate, he’d probably just say “wow, you're handling this with a lot of composure” but still encourage the dude to go free.

You'd start to think Solomon's so impressed with you that maybe you can snuggle up to him for comfort, but then Solomon rejects you, too.

It's ugly business, folks.

More on Getting Over a Breakup soon.

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