Getting Dumped

Hilarious Comedy Jokes on How to Heal a Broken Heart

SO...I've decided it's on me to cook up some quotes and ancient wisdom for myself and anyone else who wants in, because Plenty of Fish in the Sea and It's Better to have Loved and Lost...aren't really getting anyone out of the apartment. Also, when it comes to the more profound poetry of heart break, it seems we're only interested in the insights of women who ultimately offed themselves. And while reading these poets might benefit teens when their AP English exams roll around, it's not stopping them from broken heart related suicides.

Seriously, teenagers gotta stop killing themselves over broken hearts. It's unacceptable. And adults gotta stop telling 'em that they need perspective, and will one day learn how meaningless high school relationships are, because it's not necessarily true. These adults' relationships are no more evolved than their kids -- it just looks that way because they have pot bellies. Teenagers are people, but often, just because some adult had no social skills in high school, he or she assumes all kids are emotionally inept.

Adults don't commit suicide over getting dumped as much, because they have the heightened perspective that there's an entire world of salted snacks and tasty frozen desserts and sexual perversions available for taking their minds away from their hearts for awhile.

Homespun advice for the lovelorn is on its way, including a sideways-oriented version, so that you can read while remaining in the fetal position. Start where you are, and all that jazz, but only for a little while, because the fetal position is ultimately for salted snails. We're gonna cut the broken heart poetry in favor of some non-fiction:

There's more to life than St. Valentine's Day!

A FEW ARTICLES (more to come)

The first step to dealing with a broken heart or getting over a break up is to accept that you have been dumped.

In the case that you're interested in marinating in illusion a bit longer, see this strategy article (and included template) for getting un-dumped, aka turning back the hands of time:

If you are struggling with that whole Letting Go thing, check out the second article:

How to Get Over Rejection: REFUSE TO GET DUMPED
Pretending to Love and Let Go: Still Tryin'!

PS. Adults...You're just as bad as the teens. If you had more free time, you'd write broken heart poetry, too.

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