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Is funny dirty talk sexy? No, and sexy dirty talk is never funny:

Not that anyone thought any differently, but you gotta name these articles something.

There might indeed be an occasional need for erotic words you can use for laughs in the bedroom if your goal is to send them laughing in horror all the way home. If you're in some kind of nightmare sexual situation in which for some reason you want to specifically repulse a lady out of your bed, consider the following.

Describe your male genitals with erotic terms that evoke femininity or items typically enjoyed by women. Some sample erotic phrases for use...

  • Manhood possessing...
    • soft folds
    • silken foreskin
    • a tote bag of a scrotum

  • Manhood that is...
    • flush as a tulip
    • stiff as a peach
    • tall as a tapered candle
    • throbbing like a vulva

  • Testicles as...
    • Crabtree and Evelyn
    • two fresh figs
    • the girls

More ideas for you on the way, of course.

Actual Quotes from a Poll of Female Acquaintances

This list will grow larger, like an aroused man's long stemmed rose in the sunshine..."
  • "You're a thoroughbred, a thoroughbred!"
  • "You have excellent rhythm for an American."
  • "Yours 'as character, it does."

More on the way.

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